2010 Goals

The smog settled into the valley just before Christmas and save for a few days it has stubbornly refused to leave. The storms have passed us by and unleashed piles of powder from the Midwest to the East Coast. This time of gray sky reflection has gotten me thinking of what I am going to do in 2010 and how we are going to spend the sunny days when they do come again.

I have only written down my yearly goals a few times in my life. The last time was in my mid twenties; I typed them up and hung them on the wall next to my bedroom door. I failed so miserably at obtaining any of them that I gave up on any future lists. Despite this I am a goal oriented person and it was my wife’s comment about this fact that got me thinking about goals for this year. With my new role in life I have a lot of time on my hands and an impressionable mind to entertain. With this in mind and a hope to save some shred of sanity I took some time the other day to write down my list of easily obtainable goals, save for the number seven, for 2010.

1. Get a wicked goggle/sunglass tan
2. Hike every other day
3. Hike all the trails in Mill Creek Canyon
4. Hike from Neff’s Canyon to Mill Creek Canyon
5. Write a blog entry at least once a week
6. Spend more days and hours per day outside than inside
7. Get three powder days
8. Build Noah a toy box

I would like to say something profound about my list, but really there is nothing profound about getting a wicked goggle tan. This list, however simple, really has nothing to do with the words that make it up and has everything to do with introducing Noah to the beauty that is outside our door. So that he knows that the world is not just computers, text messages, video games and fancy stuffed animals that know his name. It is about adventure, learning and exploring the world around you. It is about using your imagination to create something so amazing in a place so beautiful that when the sun begins to sink into the Western desert you do not want to go inside but you do; dirty, tired and hungry and full of wonderful stories to tell mom during dinner as a family.

Look Ma I am a Cartoon Character

When you become a parent you gain the ability to turn into a cartoon character. I should have remembered this change since I was less than an angle growing up. There was more than one occasion when steam came out of my Father’s ears and my Mothers head spun around with anger. It seems though we round file these memories as we grow older and only remember the times when you had to take a spoon full of Cod Liver Oil each morning.
Our baby monitor came with a sensor pad to alert parents when the baby is not moving, in not moving I mean not breathing, if no movement is sensed for fifteen seconds an alarm sounds on both the monitor and crib side unit. Noah enjoys doing the back stroke while he sleeps, it is not uncommon to find him facing ninety degrees from the position we laid him down in.
Erin worked the night shift the other night so I was on my own. I am happy to report that it went much better than the first night. The night itself was fairly uneventful; crying, dirty diapers, warming bottles, feeding and rocking. Around 5AM Noah’s coos came through the monitor, I prayed he would go back to sleep for just a bit longer and I rolled over. Fifteen minutes later the non-movement alarm sounded. I shot straight out of bed, about four feet in the air, managed to get myself vertical by the time my feet hit the ground , my legs like many cartoon characters spun madly for a moment before I took off out of the bed room. I screeched around the corner on one foot ran straight through Noah’s door, leaving a hole the shape of my body, and reached the crib with a thud and the rug bunched up to my knees. There Noah was laying the width of the crib directly under the monitor screaming to the rhythm of the alarm.

Fishnets For Christmas Trees

This past week my wife and I have been preparing for the family to arrive, both sides, from all over the world.   It started by going to the local Home Depot to pick out a tree. Home Depot we discovered three years ago has really good trees at a decent price.  Once we have found a tree it is my job to take it off those foolish spikes they use to stand them up.   Grunting and heaving I wrestle the tree to as open an area as possible and shake it vigorously, then stand as still and as straight as possible while Erin looks it over. 
 I like to think I know what I am doing when it comes to picking out a tree because I worked for a Christmas tree shop for a short time in high school.  I did such things as organize wreaths, paint pine cones and sell trees. That however is a story for another time.   Not satisfied by the first tree Erin wonders off to check out other trees while I stand guard over the tree and Noah who is snoring loudly in his car seat.     Soon Erin finds the perfect tree which I wrestle off the spike and hand off to happiest employee in the world who then stuffs the tree through a contraption that puts a giant fish net stocking over it. Then he ties the tree to the roof of our car and we go merrily home, hoping all the while that the employee knew how to tie a good knot.

 I have to take a moment to say that this current experience of getting a tree is much easier than when I was a child. Back then Dad would load my brother and I into the giant brown station wagon before dawn and drive us deep into the woods of Vermont. We would then walk through snow up to my arm pits for miles until we found just the right tree. Before cutting it down we would pose for pictures looking tough with our bow saw and multi colored winter hats with giant pom poms on top.  After we had cut down the tree we would drag it the several miles back to the car and head for home.  Dad would then spend the next week trying to get the tree to stand straight in the tree stand that looked like a oil pan with fly buttresses welded inside.

 Putting on lights is also my job and a lot harder to do when you are holding a child.  First of all you have to make sure that you do not poke them in the face with a branch.  The other thing you do not want to do is wrap the lights around their leg or arm for this can cause the tree to spin and you never get anywhere.  Placing the child in the tree is also not wise for they get pine pitch all over them and you have to explain to your wife how an 8 week old got pine pitch in their ear.

The tree was not our only adventure this week we also ran errands for six hours and bought one other gift while standing next to each other.   We are still going to wrap some of the gifts and put them under the tree. I may even act surprised when I open it, but that will be because by next week I will have forgotten what I am getting. 
The likely hood of me putting something out before Christmas is slim so I will wish everyone and Happy Christmas or Chanukah or whatever you may celebrate. If you are enjoying the blog please tell others. If you have comments please feel free to post them.

Cheers!

Cruising

A few weeks ago Noah decided he would rather cry than sleep.  So I strapped him into his car seat, rolled down the windows and cranked the lullabies.  The boys were going cruising.

As I was making multiple right hand turns I began recall nights cruising as a youth. I grew up in Vermont, rural Vermont, more cows than people Vermont. A majority of the roads are dirt and most of our cruising was done on these roads.  We were a car full of mischievous youth driving around the countryside with the music blaring, the windows down and the heat on high, as it always seemed to be below freezing.  With no particular destination in mind and schemes that very well could have gotten us arrested we hurtled into the darkness wishing our 12AM curfews were later and hoping there were no cows in the road.

 I am brought back to my right turn monotony by a stop sign. It is 10PM, I am talking to myself and wishing I could just go home and climb into bed.   Noah has stopped screaming but that does not mean I can stop driving.  Tonight I am not creating mischievous plans; I am wondering how long it will take a concern citizen to call the police.  I keep checking my rearview mirror for flashing lights; a prolonged stop could be disastrous.  I decide that if I do see blue lights I will just keep driving.  A police chase with repeated right turns at a slow speed would be funny.  At least until they put down a spike strip. I determine that in the future it would be wise to carry a note that I could toss out the window.

Dear Sir or Madam Police officer,

I am not casing the area businesses for a robbery I am trying to get my son to sleep, kindly turn off your sirens.

I was never stopped by the police, but I did find myself sneaking into the house.  Not because I was trying not to wake my parents but because I was trying not to wake my son.  I found myself closing doors softly and tiptoeing trying to avoid the squeaky spots on the floor. Funny how life mirrors itself when you least expect it.  

The Shorts (1) - Bottle Feeding & Physical Fitness

It is 5am and we are up amusing ourselves. I say we as in Noah and I, Erin and the animals are still asleep. I would like to still be asleep but Noah has other ideas. Normally I have this trick of stuffing the monitor under my pillow so my wife can not hear all the noises Noah is making, and thus get some sleep, and I do not have to get out of bed, this morning he was too vocal for too long even for me. So here we are. I am composing The Shorts, and he is cooing as if dictating.

Bottle Feeding:

My Wife just finished up a five day stretch at the Hospital so I was home alone most of the time last week. I am happy to report that after my first night of ranger training everything seems easy now. Noah does get a bit vocal when he is hungry, and by vocal I mean he screams his head off. The rule is that we do not give him the bottle if he is screaming, so I hold him out in front of me and try to get his attention to calm him down. I do this by calling his name and making the all important "shhh" sound. I am pretty sure I am getting hearing damage being so close to something so loud. The Shhishing worked wonders the other day and he instantly stooped crying. For a split second I was so proud of myself for getting him to calm down so fast, but then I started to explain to him that he had to calm down before he got the bottle. This scared him so much his little arms and legs shot straight out and then he began to scream again.

Physical Fitness:

Being a stay at home dad requires you to be in good mental and physical shape,so I run, and do some exercise video I bought off an infomercial at 3am. This requires some planning, which is usually an exercise in futility because Noah is in charge and a really bad planner. So I run when he is preoccupied with his favorite activity, eating.

Yesterday Erin arrived home from work and I had about forty-five minutes until I needed to leave for a meeting. Perfect, my runs take about thirty minutes, that leaves me plenty of time. I left the dog at home, even though he helps by pulling me along for half the run he does like to stop and sniff a lot. This allowed me to shave three minutes off my time, so I had a little more time before I had to leave. unfortunately I wasted that time trying to keep my lungs from jumping out of my chest. Somehow I was now running behind and I needed to clean up a little, there is no time for a shower, what to do? Baby Wipes! We use them when we camp why not now. BRILLIANT! So here I am standing in the living room half naked still trying to keep my lungs in my chest and wiping myself down with warm baby wipes. Which I must say are much nicer than cold baby wipes.

Note:

Noah fell back asleep shortly after I started to write this.

Ranger Training

Programing Note: Going forward I will be posting one blog a week, hopefully every Sunday.


The following is my account of my first night alone with Noah at the age of one month. Due to the lack of sleep the picture is fuzzy and the details are ill-sorted.


The United States Army has the following opening sentence when describing trianing for the Special Forces (Ranger).

As a member of the Army's Special Forces you will find strength you never knew you had. The road to get there has a number of unique challenges.



My wife went back to work this past Friday night. With-in her medical group the partners switch shifts around as if they were trading deserts at lunch, only backwards. That is to say Erin took a partners night shift and he took a handful of her day shifts. So I prepared myself for a night with Noah, just the boys hanging out. How hard could it be? For the last month he had been sleeping at least a few hours in a row and falling right back to sleep when he was done eating. No problem.

Erin's Pager went off at 1800 (6PM) and off she went to the Hospital. Noah was snoring away so I perched myself in front of the TV for some fantastic Friday night TV. It was sheer relaxation for a couple of hours and then all hell broke loose.

2030 (8:30) - Noah finishes feeding and starts screaming, after about twenty minutes he settles down and I put him back in his crib.

2230 (10:30) - Noah lets me know he is awake by screaming at the top of his lungs. I try to comfort him while getting the bottle ready. He stops screaming only when the bottle is in his mouth.

2330( 11:30) - Asleep at last, I place him in his crib.

2345 - I climb into bed

045 (12:45) - Screams reach through the baby monitor and rocket me awake. I change the diaper, and prepare the milk. Noah screams. I yell, it does no good. The bottle helps for a moment then back to screaming. Eventually he falls asleep.

0145 - Will the screaming every stop? This is not normal for him. Will I run out of milk? There is no comforting him as I prepare the bottle.

0150 - Screaming commences I put him in his crib and go lay back in bed. The cat is hiding under the couch and the dog is looking at me as if to ask. "How do you expect me to sleep with that racket going on?" I yell some more.

0152 - Walking around the house bouncing and try to comfort. Singing silly songs, cursing, yelling, trying to burp (Noah not me).

0155 - I really could run out of milk, and I do not have the plumbing to make more? I need to hold off feeding a bit longer. About four hours until Erin gets home.

0230 - Quiet. Only because the bottle is in his mouth.
0231 - Screaming while burping
0232 - Quiet
0233 - Screaming

0300 - Asleep and in the crib

0315 - Screaming
0316 - Comforting
0317 - Quiet
0330 - Asleep in the crib

0345 - Screaming
0346 - Repeat the last forty-five minutes until 0530.

0545 - The last bottle and the realization that my God this really is like Ranger training my brother was right.


Epilogue:

Erin arrived home shortly after 0600, I did not run out of milk and the cat came our from under the couch. The dog and Noah spent Saturday sleeping. I am now better prepared for a night alone and think the description of Army Ranger training was written by a father. Also I am pretty sure even some Rangers would have washed out after this ordeal. I am only stronger because of it.

What is That Smell?

Being a stay at home dad I have started taking long walks each day, this is for multiple reasons but mostly it is so I do not pull out my hair, which seems to be falling out fine on it own anyway. One sunny fall afternoon I am out walking with Leunig and Noah and Leunig stops to do his busienss. I, like a good dog owner, pick it up. I loath to carry filled bags while on our walks and there are no trash cans out on the street; I cleverly place the bag of poo in the bottom cargo net of the stroller and we continue on.

Two Days Later
I am sitting in the living room and I catch a slight wiff of an unpleasant odor. It smells like a rodent has crawled into the wall and died, those who live or have lived int he country know this smell. Then the smell goes away and I forget about it.

Three Days Later
While passing through the living room I smell it again. My wife who had a magnificent sense of smell during her pregnancy says she can not smell anything. I guess you do not need a good sense of smell when you can hear your child fill his pants from a block away. I begin to wonder if I am loosing my mind. But a short time later I smell it again and so I begin to sniff everything. I sniff myself first, better to rule yourself out first. then I sniffed the chair and it's cushion, I pull out the cushion and smell the inside of the chair. I remove my slippers and smell them. Now I am on my hands and knees looking and sniffing under the furniture, and in the plants. Onto the stroller, still on my hands and knees I am sniffing the wheels. Did we roll through something? I sniff the front wheels and as i am making my way to the back wheels I have a great view into the the cargo net on the bottom of the stroller. There staring back at me is the bag of poo I so cleverly placed there three days before so I would not have to carry it.